I really (don't) love juice cleanses.

Some may remember two months ago when I decided to try to lose a few pounds before Shannon's wedding (in order to fit into my bridesmaid dress...yup, that was my life) by going on a three-day juice cleanse. I posted several Instagram pictures of my juices when I first got them and a lot of people wanted to hear what I thought and how it was. 

Welp, it was horrible. It has taken me two months to write this because it's taken me two months to get over how awful it was, haha.

It seemed like an amazing idea. I love juice. I could easily drink juice nonstop for three days. I read up for weeks before trying to find the best (and the cheapest) ones based on reviews on other blogs, etc. I finally made a my pick -- the BluePrint Cleanse (Renovation). They had great packaging and the juices seemed decent. I found several awesome blog reviews of BPC, so I went for it. I spent $225.00 on 3 days of juice. 

Here's a little, mini-journal of what I went through. 

Day 1

Juice 1: Made my breath smell horrible - or so I thought. Wasn't the best way to start the day but it could have been worse. Drank it during a morning meeting so it got real warm and gross. The last few sips made me want to vom but I made it through somehow. Felt really accomplished.

Juice 2: Sounded amazing. Thought it would be one of the better ones. then I smelled it before I drank any of it and wanted to die. The first few sips are very minty...too minty. But the more I drank it the more I liked it.

After Juice 2: I was pretty alert and awake and not hungry and not wanting food immediately after. I felt kind of light and air-y and the mint taste stayed in my mouth for a bit after so when I was drinking water, it tasted really weird. After about 30 minutes of finishing, I started to feel tired and sleepy. An hour after that, things escalated quickly and I wanted real food for the first time all day. I became extremely hungry, heard a coworker making food in the microwave and thought I was going to die. At around 2:00pm I started to crave weird foods like tomato soup - the kind that they served us in our cafeteria in high school that was just water-y tomato juice. 

Juice 3: Same as juice 1 - my LEAST favorite. So yucky the second time around. It was a rough afternoon. Where's the pizza?

Juice 4: Really spicy. No joke about it being spicy lemonade. I had to drink it through a straw but that helped get it down. I still avoided it for about 45 minutes and then right before work, I just chugged it to get it down. It was not fun times.

On the way home, I felt a bit lightheaded again and kind of grumpy for the first time all day.

I got home, saw brownies on the counter, and wanted to die. 

Juice 5: As I started drinking it, I heard the ice cream truck. Never wanted ice cream so badly in my adult life. It hurt my heart. Ouch.

Juice 6: Clearly the highlight of my day. It was actually normal -- but it was chunky. I honestly thought that if the rest of my juices were like this one, I could maybe actually do it for the remainder of the cleanse. 

Day 2

Juice 1: Attempted to drink Juice 1 after waking up feeling sick to my stomach. Had one sip, almost got sick. Took a 5-minute break and came back to it. This time I tried to drink it while plugging my nose (because that's supposed to help me not taste it...right?). Couldn't do it. Went to the kitchen at work and threw it away. 

After Juice 1 (or the sip I had of it), things went downhill extremely quickly. I couldn't even think about drinking Juice 2...but I tried. 

Lunchtime rolled around and it was time for Juice 3 (same as Juice 1) again. Couldn't even look at it so I decided I just wouldn't drink any more juice that day. I wasn't going to break the cleanse, but I wasn't going to drink any of that juice either. 

Spent most of the afternoon with my head on and off my desk, looking exhausted. My lovely cubiclemates agreed that I looked pretty awful. Around 4:30, I really, honestly thought I wasn't going to make it. Decided that I was going to get a salad from Panera - just a regular ol' salad with tomatoes and cukes - nothing else. 

Got to Panera, decided I wanted a baguette too. Why not, right? Got home, ate my salad, went over to the kitchen and there were those same brownies that I saw the evening before and wanted so badly. I felt so sick to my stomach (as I did all day) but I knew that eating something more was going to feel really great. So I did it. I ate a brownie and never looked back.

So, that's that. So awful and horrible tasting that I actually gave up after 2 days and threw the rest of my juice away. I couldn't even give away. No one wanted it! Still, even two months later, I will randomly be sitting at work or in my car and I'll get a whiff of Juice 1/Juice 3 and want to gag. Forever punished.